Why is total independence considered the be all and end all? I am certainly not subservient to my OH but I also wouldn’t say that I am independent of him either, what I do affect him and vice versa so we both take the other into consideration when making decision. E.g. In SC’s example above I would be FURIOUS if my OH handed in his resignation without discussing it with me, IMO it would be selfish and inconsiderate and by the same measure I would never make such a big decision without consulting him.
I would say we go against many conventions, e.g. I am the higher wage earner, I proposed to him etc, but I would never say I am independent of him or, for that matter, him of me.